1. Have a strrattteeggyyy but make it realistic - no need for complexity but understand the task at hand and develop a strategy to win it.
2. Don't hide at the back or skulk in the shadows - the words lazy, didn't contribute and coasting will all be used against you.
3. Know how to use a calculator - work out your margins and all those financial equations that put you on the road to profit.
4. Be a sort of the earth 'arrow boy - bit difficult if you are a girl but you catch my drift. Kind of works if Lord Sugar empathises with you in terms of where ya come from. Cor blimey guvnor (can you spot my East End roots yet?!)
5. Don't big yourself up too much - when you're interrogated in the board room your CV and overinflated claims will come back and bite you on the bum.
6. Don't be too arty farty - You will come unstuck. Lord Sugar will not understand or appreciate you.
7. Don't talk too much or be over dramatic - There have been some epic firings where a 'safe' candidate just couldn't shut up. Noooo - you will just dig yourself into a hole.
8. Don't promise that you will win as PM the following week - this may get you a stay of execution for a week but if you lose you will be out on your ear.
9. Don't be an evil cow - you will be found out - Lord Sugar doesn't appreciate tittle tattle or schemers so be bad at your own peril.
10. Make sure you are not a patronising idiot - this one was introduced for Adam in the current series. Watched him on your fired and really was not impressed by his delusional view on his own capabilities or to be more precise, lack of them.
11. There aren't many real ad and marketing specialists - even though everyone says they are. So many bullshiters our there. I should know as I've worked with many.
12. Have a memorable board room speech - field of ponies anyone?!
13. Be a fighter - although you're in a team, you are also acting as an individual. So become too matey at your peril.
14. Watch previous series to really know what to do - There is a formula.. Good luck.
Anyway, those are the things that sprung to my mind the other day. If you have any other gems, do share.
As I understand it, they edit the show heavily, and 99% of the time the contestants behave normally - so you're seeing a caricature. And I think we'd all look manipulative or indecisive, if we had our lives edited to the same extent. So the moral of this story is its always better to be a consultant than risk anything yourself... ;-)
ReplyDeleteAnd, yeah, your East End roots show - in your phonetic spelling of salt of the earth. (I googled it, and it's a Bible reference.)
oui wernt tought to spelll!
ReplyDeleteBut obviously you were taught to spell French - because nobody in their right mind would spell "we" as "oui". :-P
ReplyDeleteTBH, I was taught to spell by spellchecker: the wavy red line is more effective a sanction than a hundred "see mes" at the bottom of my book.
Anyway, how's the boss shaping up an/or job hunt?