How to Win The Apprentice

I can't be the only one who shouts at the screen whenever the apprentice is on, where the hell do they find these people. Anyway, it got me thinking about if I were a contest on The Apprentice, what things should I bear in mind to win.  Here goes:
1. Have a strrattteeggyyy but make it realistic - no need for complexity but understand the task at hand and develop a strategy to win it.
2. Don't hide at the back or skulk in the shadows - the words lazy, didn't contribute and coasting will all be used against you.
3. Know how to use a calculator - work out your margins and all those financial equations that put you on the road to profit.
4. Be a sort of the earth 'arrow boy - bit difficult if you are a girl but you catch my drift. Kind of works if Lord Sugar empathises with you in terms of where ya come from.  Cor blimey guvnor (can you spot my East End roots yet?!)
5. Don't big yourself up too much - when you're interrogated in the board room your CV and overinflated claims will come back and bite you on the bum.
6. Don't be too arty farty - You will come unstuck. Lord Sugar will not understand or appreciate you.
7. Don't talk too much or be over dramatic - There have been some epic firings where a 'safe' candidate just couldn't shut up.  Noooo - you will just dig yourself into a hole.
8. Don't promise that you will win as PM the following week - this may get you a stay of execution for a week but if you lose you will be out on your ear.
9. Don't be an evil cow - you will be found out - Lord Sugar doesn't appreciate tittle tattle or schemers so be bad at your own peril.
10. Make sure you are not a patronising idiot - this one was introduced for Adam  in the current series. Watched him on your fired and really was not impressed by his delusional view on his own capabilities or to be more precise, lack of them.
11. There aren't many real ad and marketing specialists - even though everyone says they are.  So many bullshiters our there.  I should know as I've worked with many.
12. Have a memorable board room speech - field of ponies anyone?!
13. Be a fighter - although you're in a team, you are also acting as an individual.  So become too matey at your peril.
14. Watch previous series to really know what to do -  There is a formula.. Good luck.

Anyway, those are the things that sprung to my mind the other day. If you have any other gems, do share.

Making Your Mark - The Perils of New Bosses

So having a new boss is a bit of a shock.  Ever the pessimist I do tend to think of the worst side of things, maybe it's my tough East End upbringing manifesting itself. But why oh why do new bosses in the words of Cartman, have to "assert their authority" aka be a control freak.

So far she is blunt, brash and seems to want to change everything without understanding the industry or the back story which to me is very very dangerous.  How can you make changes when you know nothing about the sector or company.  Construction is a funny, insulated sector and in many ways, way behind other industries such as IT. So things that work elsewhere may not have the same effect here. Only time will tell.

It's not been long so the key for me is to keep a level head, hold my tongue and not be too much of a rebel.  Whether I can manage that or not is another matter.  I know I can be hot headed, passionate and to be honest don't give a damn.  All reasons why the next few weeks are going to be very challenging indeed. I can only do my best.

The good thing is that it's not only me who has these alarm bells ringing but the people I work with and respect have the same feelings so we surely all can't be wrong. Hopefully in the coming weeks new boss will see the wood for the trees and figure out who she should be listening to. If she doesn't let the carnage ensue.....

35 - the best age in life?

Not often that I neglect my blog but of late I have had a serious case of writers block. At work I spend my time writing copy all the time that it's all coming to me easily but then I get home and the last thing I want to do is write more even on more enjoyable topics.

So where's my life at at the moment?  Well I turn 35 next week - another milestone and just read a piece that 35 is meant to the best point in someone's life so I will definitely be putting that one to the test. If it's true I very much look forward to letting you all know in the coming year.  If it's not, I'm sure I will let you know that too - always good to have blogging material. Although that whole thing about 35 being the time when your life is sorted in terms of relationships, home and career are all still up in the air for me though I do kind of have an idea about where I want to go and am working my way towards them. Fingers and toes crossed that life gets sorted out in the way I'd like.

The Youth of Today

Turning 35 next month, almost hitting the year mark of when dad passed away and finally be on the home straight in terms of selling his flat, I have been reflecting a hell of a lot. Actually maybe a bit too much. 

The inspiration for this post is that why are the young people I am working with making me exceptionally grumpy.  Is it their youthful overzealous enthusiasm, lack of appreciating that they have no experience and failure to see that they are spouting absolute drivel or a combination of everything.  

Maybe I'm just getting old and grumpy but actually I don't think it's that.  I love ideas and different approaches but at the right time.  Deviating from the brief when something really must be out of the door quickly is just plain annoying.  I guess as it is someone like me having to scramble around at 9 in the evening trying to fix things that should have been done in the first place is just a pain.  

The drive at work seems to be to get more and more youth on board. In these harsh times having very few safeguards, experience and industry knowledge as part of the team puts us in danger of heading for a fall.  I made my thoughts known on this today and will continue to do so. 

Aside from that work is going well and even though I didn't get the job.  I am happy. Will just have to wait and see what happens when whoever my new boss is starts. Fingers crossed he or she won't be a pleb.

It's That Time Again - It's Interview Time

Well, 2012 is zooming past as month 2 is almost at an end.  This weekend, I am chilling and recovering from a fever that was like a hazy cloud hanging about over my mind for most of the week.  At least now I feel much more like me.

So this weekend also involves me prepping for an interview that I have next week.  Scary stuff but I am going to give it my best.  It is strange having to  update my CV the other week as having worked for 6 months I was getting used to not having to think in interview mode.  The job is to head up the team and be the big boss. It's something that I can certainly do but at times I do doubt my own abilities.  I need to get more bolshey and confident about what it is I can do, I can't help being modest but actually singing your own trumpet at times is what we all should do now and then.

Personality test done yesterday, now time to start on a 15 min presentation and swot up on all the stuff I've done in the past. God it really does get harder and harder to remember but I'll give it a go.

Davos - Youth Unemployment at 51.4% in Spain

Just read that in the Guardian and am flabbergasted.  How did the world come to this? It's not young peoples fault that European economies are in freefall but they are certainly one of the main groups getting the worst of things.

In the UK youth unemployment is at 22% so we still have a way to go to be in the car crash state that is Spain but we all have a duty to act now or we will face so much turmoil and unrest later on that taking no action is not an option.

The World Economic Forum, Davos

The summit of EU leaders took place last week and youth unemployment and how to address it was a hot topic.  On the one hand they are calling for restraint and austerity measures to curb the excessive spending of yesterday and on the other they want to pump money into schemes to rescue our lost generation of youth.  Both these measures are at odds with each other.  Austerity cuts ultimately lead to less jobs and  the private sector is so jittery across Europe that no one will be filling the void where public sector jobs had once existed. We are stuck in a viscous downward spiral - new thinking will be required to stop the young losing faith in life and humanity. 

What Would I Do? 

I'd stop the rot and get proper schemes in place to arm young people with the right skills:

• Work with them to get proper communication skills
• Work with them to learn how to find jobs - they are there but you must search hard
• Work with to understand how to write a captivating CV
• Work with them so that they are kept busy and maintain their spirits and motivation.  It's all too easy to get despondent and depressed when you have nothing to do most days.
• Work with them if the above isn't working to come up with ideas and set up their own businesses. 

The Emperor's New Clothes - Some People Have An Overinflated Sense of Self Worth

It has to be said that the advent of social media allows us to all to be stalkers.  We can check people, companies and facts out in an instant.  I did this recently via Linked In when I looked up someone who had kind of taken over the role that I had been made redundant from in 2009. To be honest one of the reasons that he was deemed as a success by the business was because:

• he was male and had some of the general over confident characteristics that male dominated firms seem to admire.  Who cares if he is chatting complete and utter tosh - he's one of the boys! 
• he would say what people wanted to hear regardless of if it made sense
• he was so confident in his own abilities and talent as a sophisticated schemer that he underestimated all his fellow marketers around him and would do everything in his power to bad mouth them all.

When I saw his profile for what he did for my former company it really did bring home that me being a realist and honest is probably scuppering my career trajectory.  He was blathering on about delivering significant results for a £100m business and managing a team etc.  All lies, he achieved very little and made numerous mess ups but who can question his claims.  

Employers can't give bad references or even truthful references as they could be sued.  Individuals are now free to create their own persona online - all you do is consider the things that you want to emphasise and get writing.  On Linked In and the like, you can select what you want people to know about you and build your own brand.  So what if it's not entirely true - how can anyone prove it? And more to the point who can actually be bothered to disprove what others have said!